My Pet Skunk

Recently, for approximately 12 hours, I had a pet skunk. Ironically enough, I called him Lewis. He even looked just like Lewis, and he lived in my house just like Lewis.

You know how on a late summer evening you are sitting on your front porch, rocking away in a chair and listening to the neighbor kids play in the streets? Perhaps there is a gentle, warm breeze that carries the aroma of a far away skunk to your nostrils. It is not an unpleasant aroma. It is so faint you might even think is smells halfway decent, simply reminding you of summer and nature.

Now, completely erase that pleasant image from your head and imagine that it is not a far away skunk that tickles your nostril hairs. Instead, imagine that you are holding in your lap the real deal. There sits a fully functioning, gamey, I-just-got-startled-and-have-emitted-the-subsequent-juices kind of skunk.

So the other night I put Lewis outside in the yard before going to bed. When I went to let him in, my new pet skunk entered instead. I don't want a pet skunk, I thought, and gave him a bath, hoping to get Lewis back. All night long, the power was overwhelming as my pet skunk slept peacefully in Lewis's crate in my room.

The next morning, I rose early and scrubbed all the floors, thinking maybe the skunk had tracked his juices in on his paws. All morning at work, a skunky aroma followed me as I attempted to maintain a professional demeanor. When I got home for lunch, I opened the door to my house and was greeted by my pet skunk and his overpowering odor.

Fortunately, I had done some internet searching and came up with a skunk eliminating elixir. Mix I quart 3% hydrogen peroxide with 1/4 cup baking soda and a couple of tablespoons of dish soap. Dump this onto your pet skunk and wash it thoroughly into his fur. Wait five minutes and rinse with tepid water. Viola! You have a dog again.

I am infinitely thankful for Lewis's return. While I love all nature, there are few wild animals I want living in my house with me. From now on I will keep a supply of hydrogen peroxide and baking soda, just in case the pet skunk wants to return. . .